I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? A silver sixpence?
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of cigarette packet.
My parents used to take me to Lewis' department store in Glasgow. They were skinflints, they used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was the zoo.
Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.
(This picture is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic license. - Original uploader was Dudesleeper at en.wikipedia)